It's been three and a half days since I felt it . . . the overpowering nausea that has been the bane of my existence for about seven weeks. I'd like to say it's because I've moved past that stage of pregnancy or that it's because I've discovered some new form of hypnosis that solved the problem, but it's not. For the first time ever, I'm taking Zofran, the anti-nausea miracle pill originally intended for cancer patients. So far, it appears to be working. I haven't had to stop several times during dinner to rush to the bathroom and gag, and it's been strange to change diapers and be around lots of smells without that overpowering sensation of nausea.

Last Friday was my first appointment for this pregnancy. The doctor, after exclaiming, "Oh, you're back!" asked me how I was feeling. I told her the truth: "Awful. I hate pregnancy." She looked surprised, "You? You can't hate pregnancy!"

I get that reaction a lot, and it seems like the more children I have, the more I hear, "Oh, you must have easy pregnancies." or "But you don't get sick, do you." And in some ways, I do have it easy. I've never been hospitalized for dehydration, I've never been anemic, I've never been on bedrest, and I've never delivered a pre-term infant.

But like most women, pregnancy for me is hardly a walk in the park. It's hard to battle morning-sickness at all hours of the day for months at a time. It's hard to put aside a lot of the extras in order to focus on just getting through a challenging time. It's hard to depend more on my husband to do things I'd rather be doing for our family, such as a larger share of the cooking. And that's just the first few months -- those last few aren't exactly my favorite, either.

Recently, MSNBC reported on a story about the growing number of "bumpaholics" -- women addicted to pregnancy. The Today show jumped on the trend with a mostly-fluffy and offensive discussion of the subject -- "What would drive women to do something like this?" they asked. The reason psychologists were called in to explain the trend? "More than a quarter of [births in 2007] were to women having their third or fourth child" -- shocking, I know. Practically unbelievable. There must be something wrong with women like that, right?

There is, according to the article. It's called being a "Bumpaholic," and it's an addiction, at least according to the "professionals" they interviewed -- "Having babies isn't addictive in the way that alcohol and narcotics can be. But bumpaholics feel compelled to procreate for many of the same reasons that substance abusers turn to booze or drugs." Women do it, they say, to fill some void in their life or to compensate for a bad childhood. "Women who are obsessed with being pregnant are literally filling an emptiness inside of them, just as alcoholics and drug addicts use substances to fill a psychological void" says one expert, ironically practicing in Beverly Hills, where I'm sure she sees many women who have large families. These women supposedly crave the wonderful, euphoric feeling they get when they are pregnant. And let's not forget all that positive attention from strangers! "The belly-rubbing high hits the pregnant woman as well as the people who surround her. The expectant mother gets an oxytocin blast and rubs her belly as a way of bonding."

Not to worry, the article notes, most couples stop at one or two children. "This is because we can use our higher brain functions to keep those instincts in check, reminding ourselves that children cost money — about $950 a month until they're 18 — and require an extraordinary amount of time and energy."

Reading an article like this, besides making me rather angry, makes me wonder, "Have any of the psuedo-professionals they quote ever BEEN pregnant?" Because there is no way, short of amnesia, that someone would do this just to get a psychological "high." There are plenty of much easier ways to seek attention.

But according to these "experts," I must have some sort of psycological addiction to pregnancy. So I did a quick inventory of all the ways my body and life has changed over the last few months, hoping to figure out which one might be filling up the emptiness inside me:

* My hair has become lifeless and brittle and is coming out by the handful.
* I've been throwing up three or four times a week this month.
* I've spent many hours on the couch, willing myself not to throw up.
* I wake at odd times of the night and have weird, obnoxious dreams.
* I'm exhausted all the time.
* I was finally losing the extra weight from some of those previous baby bumps -- I lost 12 lbs this summer -- but I've had to put that on hold.
* I know that having more children puts off some of my own educational goals.
* With the twins in kindergarten, I finally felt like I was catching up on many long-awaited projects, but once the morning sickness took hold, I'm back to being hopelessly behind.
* I've had to cut back on a writing project I loved.
* My house, while still acceptable, is not kept as clean as it was a few months ago.
* I've dealt with some negative comments and criticism.

Pregnancy is hard. And being pregnant when you already have a couple of kids (or more) is even harder. The chances for much-needed rest get slimmer, and the demands on the mother are much greater. And as for craving attention, some of these professionals should go out in public with a mother and her five or six "addictions" and see for themselves how many positive comments come her way.

The fact is,being a mother of a large family is largely a thankless task. Your children don't thank you because, well, they're children and they don't really understand the sacrifices entailed in bringing them up. Your husband doesn't usually thank you because he's too busy pulling his own full weight and more. The world doesn't thank you because sadly, raising good children just isn't valued anymore -- go out and make a lot of money, and you're praised to the skies. But stay home and raise thoughtful, compassionate children? There must be something wrong with you. News reporters and psychologists make up fake disorders to describe what fifty years ago would have been considered normal. Perfect strangers question your sanity, ask you about your birth control choices, and make unkind judgments.

So why DO I do this?

First, why is any explanation necessary or demanded? What happened to people having children because they like them and feel like it's a good thing to do? I love what Meagan Francis has to say about it -- "it's become suspicious even to admit that we like kids, much less that we could be reasonably happy raising them. If someone volunteers for a nonprofit or has a large circle of friends, no armchair psychologist would bother to question whether she was trying to "fill a void" with meaningful activity or companionship. It would instead be accepted that creating relationships with other human beings is a normal, natural and human desire. When did it become weird to like children, to want them . . . even more than two?" And I love this article by Rabbi Shmuley, father of nine, who says to his critics, "“As soon as I find something I enjoy as much as my kids I will have a lot of that as well.”

I do enjoy children and I believe that they are gifts from God. Each one is precious and unique, and I feel that I can do no greater work than to raise happy, smart, kind, and compassionate children. It is worth every sacrifice and every inconvenience and yes, even every stare and thinly-veiled attack in the media. It may be a cliche, worthy of a song or two ("I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way . . ."), but I believe that what the world needs now more than ever are good people. And how do people get to be good? By and large, by learning values in a caring environment in their homes.

I'm sure I can (and eventually I probably will) write a much longer, more detailed explanation about why I have a large family, but for now, I state it simply: I believe that children are a gift from God. I enjoy raising them, and I feel I am doing an important work. I believe that children raised in good homes have the power to change the world for the better. I believe that sacrificing on behalf of the next generation is one of the ways we become refined and better human beings. Our own rough, selfish, hedonistic tendencies are worn away as we serve and love our children.

Call me old-fashioned, if you will, but don't ever call me a bumpaholic.

(Cross-posted from my blog, Hands Full & Loving It)

So, by now some of you know I'm expecting, this time my eighth child. Reactions to the news have mostly been positive, but there have been a few negative comments and some raised eyebrows. Perhaps I'm just ultra-sensitive, ready to pick up on the least hint of negativity, or perhaps I'm just pregnant and emotional, but I've felt the hurt of it -- the feeling that others are rejecting this baby or judging me.

I've announced my pregnancy to some friends, expecting them to share my excitement and gotten instead shrugged shoulders and a change of subject. I guess I can understand it a bit; after all, I've done this before, so perhaps they think that for me, it's just become routine, like announcing we're buying a new car or going on a vacation, nothing too new or different or exciting.

But to me, this is something to be celebrated. It's exciting and wonderful and miraculous. This child is unique and special, and this is his chance to experience earth life. I believe, as it says in Job, that we were there at the foundations of the world, "when the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy" (Job 38:7) This child I am welcoming was among them, and I don't think he feels short-changed in any way because his mother has given birth before. This is his time, his place, his chance, his miracle.

Sometimes I feel very lonely, especially for a mentor, for someone who has been there and understands what I'm experiencing. We have more kids than anyone I know personally (at least that's still raising them). I wish I knew lots of moms who had more children, so I could ask them my questions, pour out my heart, and learn from their experiences. Actually, I'd be happy to know just one or two! The internet, with its wonderful, connecting power, helps some, as I've made some friends through blogs and other forums.

But there's something so nourishing about an in-person friendship. A phone call, a walk, sitting together at a park or in a living room and really understanding one another. I do understand that I have a lot to learn from women whose experiences are different from my own, but it often seems that I am left on the outside of friendships with those who have fewer children, even when we're the same age. We don't get invited to dinner or to join in activities or babysitting groups. Again, I get it; seven kids is a lot to invite over, and surely, that mom with seven is far enough along in life that she's plenty busy and doesn't need your friendship. We tend to congregate around those who are at the same stage of life as we are in. Most of the moms who live around me have two or three children, so it's natural they tend to band together and enjoy each other.

But where does that leave me? There are not an abundance of large families nearby for me to band together with! In fact, a recent article reported that just .5 percent, or one mother in two hundred, will have more than seven children in her lifetime. No wonder I'm beginning to feel as if I'm the only person in the world with more than six kids! I understand a lot of the reasons there aren't more large families, from the pressure to fit into the world's standards of acceptable to the very real financial, emotional, and health concerns to the pain of infertility. The fact is, even if a couple wanted to have a lot of children and eschewed birth control, many would never have eight children. A hundred years ago, there were a lot of large families of eight, ten, and even twelve or more children, yes, but there were also families of one, two, or none.

I'm really not complaining (Okay, maybe I am, a little). And I should point out that I have been blessed with good friendships. One of my best friends has six children and is the one I call or walk with when life gets just a bit too tough. Another of my best friends lives in New York, and thanks to email, our friendship has survived eleven years, through several moves, her life in Sweden and Israel, and soon-to-be thirteen births between us. Some of my other friends send me quick notes in response to my weekly emails or lift me in other ways. I am so grateful for the good people around me.

But sometimes, I feel lonely.

(also posted on my blog, Hands Full and Loving It)

Madsen is giving away a bike every Wednesday on their site. There are several ways to enter. I was really impressed when I took a look at the specs on this bike. The above picture shows 2 kids riding in the bucket, but each seat actually has two seat belts, so a total of 4 kids could safely ride!!!

Click on the bike picture to enter. Also if anyone has ever seen one of these bikes in action, I would LOVE to hear about it!!!

I am pleased to announce the birth of our fifth child, a daughter, born July 17th. She is beautiful (in my oh-so-humble opinion!). Our children are loving her (especially my other daughter!), as are we. We are doing well, adjusting to life with an infant in the house again. . . there is so much I had forgotten in three years! The sleepless nights, constant supervision. . the list goes on. Thankfully it all comes rushing back!

When life gets back to normal (what is that, again?) I will try to resume regular posting. Until then, I can hope and pray for a little sleep! I'm feeling my age this time around. . .!

It has been ages since I last posted, and it's not for lack of desire. . .! Somehow life always gets in the way and I can't get it accomplished! I am in the home stretch of my 5th pregnancy, and I'm really starting to slow down, which is a good thing!

As I begin to contemplate bringing our newest baby home, I am thinking of all the changes we will experience. . .Our youngest now is almost three, potty trained, and pretty independent. In a few weeks, we will be back to diapers, constant surveillance, late nights, no sleep, breastfeeding ups and downs etc. I can easily feel overwhelmed by it all - I'm not as young as I once was!

But then I remember the sweet moments we will have - looking into our baby's eyes, watching him or her nurse contentedly, the first smile, the first roll over, the first everything! And I recall why we have so many children. They are truly gifts from God.

We are now in July, and my poor flower garden has been neglected up until this week.

I have a tiny garden budget each year to add flowers and such to my yard, so I tend to stick with perennials that will come back year after year. I know some people prefer annuals and redesign their gardens every year, but honestly I don't have the time or budget allowance for that. So this week I went to Lowe's to see what plants they had on sale (since it is later in the planting time, we got some good deals), and to our local nursery for my annual mulch delivery (yes, I realize I am 3 months late...better late than never).

This week, and this coming weekend, we will be expanding our current flower bed by quite a bit. I have this picture in my head of what my house will look like in another 5-8 years surrounded by deep, lush perennial beds. Let me tell you, I have learned to dream big and take it in small steps.

I have learned a lot from my flowers, and the dirt around my house.

Lesson #1: There are no mistakes that cannot be corrected with a little effort. I have placed plants and completely underestimated the growth rate of it and the plants around it. I have divided and spread out plants that ended up to close for good healthy growth. I have relocated plants that do not thrive in the original place for lots of reasons; too much or too little sun or water in a particular spot is a big reason for me to move stuff around.

Lesson #2: Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, color, and budgets. I have spent as little as 60 cents on plants from the clearance aisle and seen them blossom with a little tender care to rival a plant that cost me $25. I have discovered beautiful little gems in my tiny hostas that grew to 3 feet across. A small packet of seeds for shasta daisies that were sprinkled into a corner just to see what would happen, and they become a bright spot in an afternoon shadow. My all time favorite flower, my black-eyed-susans are slowly spreading and filling in sweeps of what used to be bare spots and they don't seem to mind that we have hard clay instead of great soil.

Lesson #3: Dirt and a garden hose makes the best play toys for kids and grown ups alike. Dirt, water, sunshine, shovels... Need I say more?

Lesson#4: Time really does heal quite a bit. Hail damage or tornado weather? Beaten down plants will reach for the sun and damage is soon replaced with new growth. Too much or too little water for a while? Wilted leaves will recover after proper proportions are restored.

Lesson #5: Reading the directions really will save time and money in the long run. Shade plants placed in full sun won't thrive. Full sun plants placed in the shade tend to look pitiful.

Lesson #6: Flower beds brimming with riots of color make for a pleasant place to sit and enjoy the quiet of a lazy summer afternoon. But, it takes time, planning, and energy to get there.

Lesson #7: Weeds and pests are inevitable, and roses have thorns. It takes ongoing work to keep the beauty from being overtaken by a small pest or weed problem. It is easier to maintain if the weeds are pulled out as they crop up than to wait until they over run the garden.

Lesson #8: Maintaining a flower garden is a family affair, and gives time to talk and just be together. Kids help pull weeds, pick flowers , and dig holes for new plants. Life is explored at hand, and they can see the cause and effect principles of life at their finger tips. I think that as an adult I need to be reminded of how simple these lessons really are.

Lesson #9: A $2 pack of petunias can keep kids busy for 2 hours. For my love of perennials, I buy annuals too. These are turned over to my youngest to "fill in where they will look pretty." No rules, no planning on mama's part. I am meticulous where I place perennials because they will come back year after year. Petunias and impatients are happy little flowers that will last for a season, and I let the kids be in charge of them. This also makes it easier to get kids to help water and weed the garden later because they want to keep "their flowers" healthy and strong.

Lesson #10: There are no set rules. My garden looks different than my neighbors'. It makes me happy. I can play with color and texture, and the look is unique to my garden. I pick flowers because they make me smile.

My garden so far is a collection of roses, hostas, black-eyed-susans, shasta daisies, a bleeding heart, bushes, and trees. This week, we have added daylilies, yellow coriopsis, cone flowers, a butterfly bush, more hostas, a clematis, and a few other little perennials that didn't have names on them but they were pretty.

-Erika

***Cross posted at erikasfunnyfarm